Worrying About A Slow Slide

Recently, I have noticed an uptick in the severity of my PTSD symptoms and my coinciding depression.  It's starting to make me worry a little bit that not having a functional group to attend is slowly eroding my ability to cope and adversely affecting the effectiveness of my coping mechanisms. Or...It could be just a temporary uptick because of the uncertainty surrounding my upcoming TBI evaluation.  Either way, it's decidedly annoying and not something I am handling well.

What to do?  I am going to have an individual therapy session this week and I plan on talking to my therapist about my concerns and my frustrations with not having a group to attend.  My PTSD is fighting to get through - the anger, the depression, the nightmares, and the insomnia.  I also have been dealing with a higher than usual level of hypervigilance.  Most nights I toss and turn so badly that I end up sleeping in my recliner, uncertain as to why I don't feel safe - I just don't.

What's even more frustrating is that there is a very clear dichotomy in my life.  Everything is going so well with my non-profit and my plans for it.  The more I work at it, the more I feel fulfilled and stable.  When I have days where I don't have time to work on it, I feel a hair's-breadth from snapping at people.  Today would be a prime example.  I had to go to work early and I have not been able to do anything for my non-profit.  I knew I wasn't going to have the time when I woke up this morning and it made it exceedingly difficult to deal with people at work.  I am not even certain what ticked me off so much - they just did.

So, time to hold it together and hope I can figure this out.  I only have ten more days to go until my TBI eval, so we'll see how it goes.   I guess we'll see if I can hold myself together until them  Fingers crossed.