When Just Being Happy Seems Like a Consolation Prize

I woke up this morning and realized that I woke up happy.  It felt empty.  Like a consolation prize.  I don't know if I can adequately describe the feeling.  I really am happy today.  Truly happy.  It just feels hollow, like the happiness is a veneer, a facade.  Is it?  I don't think so.  I feel like just being happy isn't enough.  I'm not satisfied with just happy.  I need my life to have meaning and purpose.  While I have found meaning and purpose blogging and administering to my website, I didn't realize how much I missed doing 'good works'.

I am going to do a lot of thinking on this.  I had thought, before the PTSD, that I was going to lead a life of service to my country.  I need to find a way to incorporate serving others back into my life.  When I am living a life of service to others, I feel more than just happy, I feel...full.  I desperately need to feel that way again.  It's different that the amazing feelings I get when I look at my daughter.  I think part of why I feel this way is I want to be my daughter's hero, for a reason other than I'm her daddy.

I think I am going to explore this.  Maybe there is more that I can do around the community.  Maybe there is a need that isn't being met that I can fill.  I don't know.  I need to talk to my wife about this and see what she thinks.

I wish everyone a Happy Easter.  I hope everyone enjoys time with family.  I know I will.