I woke up today and was snippy with everyone. It's dumb. I hate it. There was no reason for me to be snippy, but I still looked for every reason to take pot shots at people. The only person who wasn't the recipient of my wonderful attitude was my daughter. I can't figure this out and it's driving me nuts. It's not like we didn't accomplish a hell of a lot today. We officially signed the lease and all we have left to do is pack up for moving.
Well, that seals it. I'm an idiot. Tearing apart what remains of my home might just stress me out a little bit. I somehow managed to put off packing for another day and I wonder why I am getting snippy? I hate waiting until the last minute but I can't bring myself to pack because I find it stressful and unsettling...What's most unsettling is that I seem to be conveniently forgetting things that I already know - about myself and my PTSD. As much as I am looking forward to moving into this new place, I have a sense of foreboding that I know is completely unwarranted. I feel like moving means starting over...with everything. I am scared as all hell that I am going to do a backward slide after a good long year of relative stability. There's no way I can know what's going to happen and I think that's stressing me out more than anything.
My next day off is Friday. That means working my ass off to make sure that we actually get something accomplished in getting ready for this move. I know I am not going to like it, but I think the best approach is talking to Dani and having her make a list of small tasks that seem manageable - on little task at a time and I think I can handle this. I guess we will just have to see how it goes.
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.