I woke up dangerously angry today. I don't know why. I don't know who I'm angry at or if I am angry with a situation. I can feel it boiling right beneath the surface and it won't go away. The is the angriest I have been in over two years. It's really disconcerting. I can't seem to focus on much. I am doing my best to avoid snapping at everyone and it is getting exhausting holding it back. I've examined what is going on at work and what is going on at home and there is nothing in either environment that I can tell is setting me off. One of my least favorite aspects of PTSD: Being angry for no reason at all.
So what do you do when you have to go to work and you have a family life and you are this angry? I remember one veteran in a support group saying that the anger was the biggest reason he 'self-medicated' with alcohol. I wouldn't ever consider that an option, even if I was single. I have a few more things I can try. I tried venting by playing Gears of War 3. That didn't work. I am going to sit down and watch Netflix with my wife and see if I can distract my mind long enough to let go of the anger. If that doesn't work, I'm going to lay down in bed and listen to music and try to fall asleep. Maybe tomorrow will introduce me to the 'right side' of the bed.
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.