So I go to the VA for my CPT Group therapy and I see doc's not in there again. Feeling angry, I track down another doc I know and ask him what the hell is going on. I demanded to know what was going on with Doc Casagrande.
The doc I confronted looked at me, stunned. He had that 'oh, God, you don't know' look on his face. He told me that doc had passed away over two weeks ago. Yep, that's right over two weeks ago. The social worker in the room two weeks ago KNEW and didn't say anything, didn't address the subject or the grief we would feel. To the deepest core of my psyche, I felt violated - emotionally raped.
***UPDATE: They got the date of his passing wrong...It was AFTER my last group session. They never contacted me and no grief counseling was offered when I did find out.
I stood there stunned as I felt the floor fall out from under me. I asked about memorial services - already been held. Could I visit his grave? - Cremated. I asked about a few more things at the desk and then stumbled out to my car.
That's when the anger hit. The most furious and hell-bent anger I have ever felt. I was shaking. I thought, "THEY ROBBED ME OF MY RIGHT TO SAY GOODBYE, TO FIND CLOSURE". I got in the car and started driving home. All the while I was thinking:
Our veterans deserve top quality care. The dangerous actions (or, in my case, inaction) of the VA endanger the veterans they so strongly profess to care about. The VA proved to me today that radical change is needed. They need to be replaced with a system that is patient first, bureaucracy second. Enough is ENOUGH. This is to all of the politicians who want to sit around and squabble like spoiled brats. ENOUGH! You claim to have your constituencies' best interests at heart. Put your money where your mouth is. Your petty partisan politics have continually put funding for the VA programs at risk, making it impossible for them to make long-term plans for improvement. This, Congressmen and Senators, is YOUR dishonor. Prove to me that you are worth even a fraction of the sweat and love that Doc Casagrande gave to the veterans he served. Let his legacy be the standard to which we, as veterans, hold you accountable.
I arrived home and opened the door to get out of my car. As I closed the door to my car, I felt the anger blow away in the crisp spring wind. As quickly as the anger was there, it was gone. Blown away by my resolve to honor the man who had made such a huge impact in my life. Stay tuned for the memorial piece, being written now.
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.