And everything was going so well...
I had the kind of day that triggered my anger and my PTSD. I got frustrated a lot and it was hard not to bring it home with me. When it was time to leave and come home, I got out as quickly as possible and tried to leave work at work. I was not successful. I helped my wife get dinner on the table for the little one and talked about the anxiety that I was feeling. It was the day we both knew was coming but were hoping wouldn't.
My wife convinced me to go for a walk after dinner and it seemed like it was going to help and then I felt and heard a loud concussive explosion. My wife jumped and I immediately turned toward the source of the sound. My mind was no longer in Pennsylvania. The reaction and change in body language was instantaneous. My wife knew my instinct was to run directly at the source of the explosion. Her grip on my arm was like a vise. The only thing that kept me standing there was the absence of screaming. There was dead silence. No birds chirping and no cicadas sounding off. Even the sound of car traffic sounded far away. With every instinct screaming at me, I turned away from the source of the explosion and continued on our walk.
We never did find out what caused the concussion wave. I can feel that nagging doubt that everything is OK and it won't go away.
It's gonna be a long night.
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.