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I have been trying and trying to write this blog post and every time I start to write it, I can't seem to get anywhere. Honestly, the whole prospect of TBI has been a lot to wrap my mind around and I have been having issues with my PTSD as a result. It scares the hell out of me. What makes it worse is that I don't even know if it IS TBI - and that's what's killing me right now. If it's not TBI, is it because I am not getting good sleep? Or could it be that my brain chemistry has changes drastically and my med cocktail is out of wack? What if it's all three or none of the above? It's driving me nuts and I haven't been able to concentrate at all. My ability to focus has gone right out the window.
Then there's the PTSD. As a result of all of the added uncertainty and fear, I have been struggling to keep emotionally involved with my wife and daughter. Granted, when I start to withdraw, I have been able to catch myself and pull myself back from becoming a cave-dweller, but it scares me that this whole situation has had such an adverse effect on my ability to cope with aspects of my PTSD that I have managed very well over the past six months. The TBI evaluation cannot happen fast enough. It's amazing how uncertainty can throw my life into total disarray. If anyone has any brilliant suggestions on how to work through this, I am all ears.
Melinda Schwenk Borrell
5/26/2013 02:29:11 pm
Can you explain what TBI is? Hoping for peace and health for you! 5/26/2013 02:44:00 pm
Traumatic Brain Injury is caused by concussions and exposure to explosions, knocks on the head, excessive vibration, etc. It is the signature wound of the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan along with PTSD.
Holly
5/27/2013 10:42:12 am
Sounds like you may be dealing with a little bit of everything. For your sanity's sake, try not to define blame or compartmentalize what's going on. Your brain fog could simply be from the additional stress you're putting on yourself to perform, write, reason, etc. Creating to do lists or reminder lists may help. Admitting that you're having a "bad head day" and letting things go until you're better may help. Prepare yourself for the brain eval. I was totally unprepared and devastated. Something about seeing the results in writing was really hard, especially knowing where you were versus where you are. But hand tough. Life becomes a matter of managing symptoms. You can't resolve anything or come to closure but you can learn to live with both PTSD and TBI.
Max Harris
5/29/2013 07:08:54 am
Holly, thanks for the show of compassion and the advice. I am doing the best I can right now. Finally being able to articulate myself in this blog post has helped clear my head. It's the major reason I have blogged for two years. Clarity. Comments are closed.
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Max HarrisAs I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog. Archives
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Note: This website offers links to resources and venues for veterans to discuss PTSD. Any opinions expressed herein are solely the opinions of the website administration and are not a substitute or supplement for professional treatment.