Recently, I have gained a lot of weight. When I went into the hospital for respiratory distress back in March, I learned that allergens (pollen) had caused the reaction. After I got out of the hospital, I have been afraid to go outside, fearful of the consequences. This is not a good thing for a veteran with PTSD. The last thing we need is more motivation to cloister ourselves away from the world and hide in our homes, bereft of contact with other people. So what did I start doing when I was bored? I ate. And ate. And ate.
Now it's time to undo the damage. Yesterday, I decided to confront my fear of doing things outside. I went for a jog with my wife and daughter at the park across the street. It felt wonderful. A little cold - the wind was ridiculous - but wonderful. My lungs felt great. I kept on wondering when my lung were going to rebel. They didn't. At all.
So this is what freedom feels like. I didn't realize how much I had been allowing my fears to imprison me in my home. I don't even recognize the fat-ass in the mirror. I never thought I could let my body go this far...
Today, I resolved to do something about this. I have a new goal. I want my body back. I want to be able to run without my body getting sore before I get tired. I want to be proud to see what is staring back at me in the mirror. It's time to take this to the next level. I am going to talk with my wife and set goals. Maybe I can find an advocacy 5k or 10K later this summer. I don't know. So, PTSD, I have a question. Is it Okay for me to go outside?
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.