People Would Find Out Eventually, And Judge Me

3/27/2012

So, people have started finding out that I am out on disability. I got angry. Angry with myself for not realizing that it was going to bother me. I wasn't ready to confront that, fair or not, people are going to judge me because of this. They don't have to know anything about PTSD but they will still judge me.

So I got angry. And then I wasn't anymore. They can all kiss my ass. If they don't want to understand, then they are not worth my time or aggravation. The response of a real person, a caring person, would be asking my wife if I am doing alright. That's my feeling in my gut right now.

Unfortunately, I can't afford to act that way or think that way. People are, by nature, scared of what they don't know. And PTSD is a BIG, BIG unknown for many. So, I will continue to do what I have been - telling it like it is and hoping that more and more people notice.

To all those folks out there with PTSD: Stay strong and patient. If they are willing to listen, explain it to people. If they are not willing, walk away and be stronger for it. I know I am.

2 Comments

Kimberly Allen

3/27/2012 11:33:02 am

Yes, you will have people that will down you for being on disability. Just remember the people that say something are NOT the ones living with the PTSD.
My son gets social security and so do I since our soldier took his own life. I felt really bad about it at first and then I said the same thing! They can kiss my ass! I was left to raise a 7 year old by myself and oh my the doctor bills from all the therapy and meds my child is now on. Two new ones were added just this week to his meds. My baby does not sleep anymore, he needed help.
I knew my ex husband and I knew what he would want me to do, go back to school and get my degree. So, that's what I am doing. I see my son off to school every day and then I go to school. I get home just a little while before he does. It's important for him to know I will ALWAYS be here for him.
My ex husbands family made the choice to turn their back on our son. THEY are the ones who have a problem with me using the money to go to school and better our lives. And again, they can kiss my ass.
Many of us suffer from things you can't see with the naked eye. I won't let those who make the choice to bad mouth me bring me down anymore. Why? Because I live every day with a child whose heart is broken and mommy can't fix it. They can't "SEE" what is going on in his head.
I am not trying to take the spotlight off PTSD. It's just my thoughts about the things people can't see and the ones that assume since you can't see it, then it must not be real.

Bryan Montford

3/28/2012 07:13:58 am

I actually had a person working the register in a store say to me "It must be nice to be able to sit on your butt at home all day and do nothing and get paid for it." I looked her directly in the eye and replied, "I promise you, it's not worth the money..."

Living with PTSD:
Every Day is a New Day