Ok, so everything's going well right? Well, it's 2:06AM and I am writing this blog entry. I just got over compulsively washing the 'blood' on my hands. It was one of the doozies. The kind of reliving in HD moments I could do without. It is also the kind of nightmare that makes you wonder, against your will, if working so hard to get stable is worth it. When I thought that, I got so mad. I mean REALLY FUCKING mad. One nightmare and I'm ready to hang 'em up after all that I have regained in the past few weeks?
This just goes to show you how slippery the slope can be and why it is so important to talk to your spouse or friends or anyone who cares about your nightmares and how they make you feel. They don't need to know the details - just how they suck the will to believe in getting better right out of you. I have a few hours until I tell my wife. I want her to enjoy her morning workout and weight training before I throw worry into her mix of emotions. I love her and I told her that I would communicate every little change. This matters. If you are like me and have other people that care about you, don't shut them out. Invite them in - they want to be there to love and support you. This past year, I lost sight of that. Not This Time...
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.