I have been getting really good sleep recently. When I went in for the sleep study, they discovered that I never entered REM sleep while I was there. Not once. The apnea was so disruptive that I was never actually able to fall asleep fully. It didn't come as a surprise to me that my CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) Machine kept me from having any apnea events.
I figured this was coming. The CPAP machine has allowed me to enter REM again. Why wouldn't I get nightmares? These happened to be some of the most vivid I have experienced in a number of years. I couldn't just smell the blood of the wounded, I could taste it. I woke up from the nightmares a little after 0200 and it took me almost an hour to calm back down enough to try to get more sleep. I really disrupted my night.
Here's the weird part. I don't feel the emotional aftereffects that I have felt previously. I am not overly tired and I feel emotional stable. Is getting recuperative sleep just a few nights in a row all I needed to start feeling more stable? I guess time will tell. My sister receives her Ph.D tomorrow at Columbia University. I am a little concerned that there may just be a delayed fallout from this latest round of nightmares. I will not miss this once in a lifetime event. My sister has worked so hard for this moment. Besides, it's Mother's Day tomorrow. What better gift could my Mom ask for than the whole family together for a day?
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.