Nightmares Followed by Apathy

1/16/2012

Two nights ago I had horrible nightmares, complete with nausea and hand washing. It was an exhausting night. What followed was even less fun: Total Apathy. My wife would ask me a question and I would say 'whatever'. I didn't care about anything, couldn't. I was completely empty of any emotion. For a bit, not even my beautiful daughter could evoke an emotional response.
Caley was the one who eventually broke through. She kept on wanting Daddy Cuddles and she looked so miserable that I wasn't paying attention to her that I finally broke down and put her on my lap. We cuddled and I started feeling a sense of well-being again. Her love is so unconditional. I am still feeling emotionally distant today, but I'm getting there. I have today off and will sit down and reflect on this past weekend. Hopefully, that helps.

2 Comments

Charlene Rubush link

1/18/2012 05:07:15 pm

Max,

I've just found your site and have been reading some of your entries. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your brutal honesty. As someone who has (formerly) been in a marriage to a Nam vet with untreated PTSD, as well as another relationship with a Nam vet, I know too well the heartache and challenges that are involved.

While those relationships are long gone, the scars remain. Gaining insight into another vet's mind really helps. Thank you so much, and please keep writing! You've gained a fan and a supporter.

I still deal with PTSD from numerous traumas. It's a bitch, but one "has to keep on keeping on." Thank goodness for the internet, and being able to connect with other like-minded people. By the way, your baby is beautiful! So much to live for...

Max Harris

1/18/2012 07:55:21 pm

Charlene, thank you for the comment. I am glad that you find my blog helpful. It is a wonderful outlet for me and I don't plan on stopping. Thank you for your support and don't hesitate to ask questions. If I can give you any insight from my personal experience, I would be glad to answer.

Living with PTSD:
Every Day is a New Day