My wife made it very clear to me yesterday that I have obsessive compulsive tendencies that have been manifesting more and more over the past few months. This scares the crap out of me. I am going to talk to the docs and the social worker about it as soon as possible. That's a relatively new wrinkle that I need to get ironed out. I start doing something that I am passionate about and I lose sight of everything else. I can't get my mind to focus on other things. I think the obsessive aspect of my PTSD that has manifested over the course of the past year had played a major role in making me seem emotionally inaccessible. Is being my kind of intelligent a curse or a blessing? I can disappear into a thought or idea for days and not realize the passing of time. Before the PTSD, I had ideas and thoughts like this, but I was always grounded by the passing of time. I have lost that sense. How do I regain it? I don't know. I wish I did, but I don't.
So now I have to be even more careful: I can't afford to start obsessing about whether or not I am obsessing. That sounds confusing right? I almost laughed when I wrote it. It's true, though. Looking at this another way, catastrophic thinking is, in my mind, a form of obsessive compulsive behavior. Is it that much of a stretch to think that the obsessive behavior could manifest in other ways? I don't think so. I ask that you, my readers, think deeply on this. I am asking for your input. I hope everyone has a great weekend. I will continue to think on this as well. Maybe together we can find a workable solution for coping with this.
13 Comments
I am a Psycology Major, I am getting my masters just so I can apply for a job in a VA Hospital Mental Health Department. I have to say sounds like compulsive disoder is not quite the only thing going on. In the Military we are programed to finish our tasks. I get started on a project on the computer or cleaning, not the passing of time or the need to stop and eat or take my meds even crosses my mind. I would talk to your PCP not your socal worker. Its the sign of something more. Im not saying this is your case but I had a stoke and didnt even know it. I ignored it. Just asking you to take this more seriously then a PTSD matter. However it does tend to stem from that. If you get migranes you can get leisions and that will change your personality. But talk to your Mental Health Provider. You are not the only person who has ever gone threw this. I did.
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3/31/2012 12:29:16 pm
Thank you for your concern. I will talk with my doc. There are a lot of things it could be. I haven't had any symptoms of other conditions. Who knows, though. The only thing I know is that when I get angry, I get pressure in my head. I always thought it was figurative or psychosomatic. I'll talk with him, though. Thanks for your concern.
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4/2/2012 06:15:46 pm
My husband and I both have PTSD (his is from Vietnam combat, mine from domestic trauma and abuse). We are both the way you describe. We get into a book or a project, and we lose all track of time. We do it all the time.
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4/2/2012 06:55:45 pm
Elaina, thanks for sharing all of that. I am glad that you have found my site. It is good to know that the word is really starting to get out about what I do here. It is important to engage in discourse in a transparent way. I blog to get the thoughts out of my head and use them to educate and advocate for others. I hope you continue to drop in!
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Erica
4/3/2012 03:15:08 am
Do any of you have children? My husband and I are Veterans and we too have the weird quirks about organization and finishing our tasks and sometimes it feels like our children are raising themselves. The may say something like I'm thirsty and he nor I will hear them or is doing something at the time and they either go thirsty or have to remind us constantly. Worries me that they are ignored all day and we are too busy to notice.
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4/3/2012 03:47:13 am
Erica, I have a 17 month old daughter who was missing her daddy terribly. I won't let her feel that again. I can't. The guilt would destroy me. Now I work with my wife to ensure that I stay grounded. It's a challenge but we seem to be making a little bit of headway.
rather not say
5/20/2012 04:15:14 am
I am a spouse of a veteran with combat ptsd and mild TBI. It has been 6 years since he has been in and we are going through the same patterns of abuse throughout this whole time. He has never laid a hand on me violently, but verbal and emotional abuse is rampant. We have 4 kids and they see these cycles daily. A couple days ago I said something he didn't like and he got in my face and was trying to intimidate me to "stand down" . I know that if he snapped and chose to lose control he could kill me in an instant but I refuse to let him see me as fearful so I got right back in his face. He wasn't happy about it and we ended up not speaking for a while. I feel like I CAN'T discuss this with anyone because most don't understand that its different with soldiers. All I desire is a somewhat "normal" family and some balance but there is absolutely no consistancy. I am struggling with severe depression and just want to escape but I don't think it will solve anything but make it harder on the kids. All I know is that the abuse has to stop. Please if u have suggestions I really need them.
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5/20/2012 04:51:50 am
rather not say,
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5/20/2012 07:30:49 am
Your description of your husband's rage attacks is exactly the way my husband started behaving with me, within 1 day of our marriage! We met in 2003 and married in 2004. I was 51, he was 55. He had already gone through 4 divorces due to his PTSD from Vietnam!.
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5/20/2012 08:24:43 am
Oops, I see that the bottom part of my last comment was cut off; my server froze up is probably why. Luckily I had saved my entire comment in my word program, so here is the rest of my long-winded... but i hope helpful... reply to "rather not say:"
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5/20/2012 08:51:57 am
PPS to "rather not say:"
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8/6/2012 12:45:09 am
Addiction is of any kind if it is exceed the limits it is harmful and causes a adverse effect on any persons mind.It is quite common that people are using marijuana is different form and they are unaware of its harmful effect.
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Max HarrisAs I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog. Archives
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