I am a naturally driven person. Driven to succeed, driven to be the best husband and father in the world, driven to be the best employee, manager, and leader...Whatever I set my mind to, I am driven to be the best at it. Needless to say, this has caused me no end to stress and anxiety in recent years. I don't have the energy to be everything to everyone else and to myself. I invariably burn out and shut down, closing myself off from success at work and shutting out my family emotionally.
I can't accept this as normal, as the status quo. I am aware that I push myself too hard, but that is my nature, down to the very core of my identity since I was young. How do you change something that ingrained? This question continues to hound me as I encounter even more change in my life that is upsetting the fragile balance that always seems to be just out of reach...
I need to think about this some more. I am going to talk to my wife and spend time with my daughter. I would love to hear from any of you out there reading this, too. CPT is helping but if I don't get this underlying drive under control, I will only be able to get so far...
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.