Two nights ago, I night managed for the last time. I started to decompress from all of the stress that I had carried with me, unacknowledged, for months. I came home and had a really hard time falling asleep. When I finally fell asleep, I had nightmares. Here's the worst part: I knew I was dreaming. Every time I tried to wake up and it felt like I was about to break through, I 'felt' something pulling me back down. My wife had left relatively early in the morning to go to work. She tried calling me 6 times and I never answered. She got really worried and came home. She came home to our daughter just starting to wake up. She had a really difficult time waking me up. I thought she had come home and I had neglected Caley's needs. I was a mess. I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out what the hell caused this 'nightmarathon' to happen in the first place. I finally put two and two together and realized that there were a lot of little things that I couldn't change at work that I couldn't do anything about. I also realized that leaving my current position to start a new one allowed me to start over and all of the pent up frustration and stress was relieved...All at once. I guess I need to figure out how to decompress more effectively...
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.