As I said in the previous post, the second outlet is a whole lot harder to articulate in a way that makes sense and doesn't make me sound like a complete control freak. What I have discovered is that I need an outlet where the only limiting factors to success are the limitations I put on myself. If there are barriers or external constraints on what I am trying to accomplish, my efforts can be frustrated and my drive turns inward rather quickly. But that's not it either - I am not saying that any little bump in the road causes me to implode and become frustrated. I am talking about arbitrary constraints that have nothing to do with achieving the goal. As you can tell, I am still having a little trouble articulating exactly what I mean. I need to know I am the one in charge of my my own destiny.
Easier said than done. I need this but I don't know how to find it. If anyone has any ideas, I'm open to suggestions. Work isn't that outlet. Too many arbitrary constraints. Maybe I can put this drive into getting myself back in shape after all of my medical issues. I will have to think about this a lot more before this is all said and done. The last outlet, which I will discuss tomorrow is the need for an artistic outlet - the need to create something beautiful.
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.