Ok, so I figured out what was upsetting me so much. I want to feel all of my emotions that I feel toward my daughter. It has been exhausting coming to a new 'center'. Now that I have and I have a firm grip on what feelings are PTSD related and what I feel towards my daughter, I am relieved. My coping mechanisms are back in place and I am feeling mostly the normal exhausted that accompanies parenthood. I love my daughter so much and my world brightens every time she smiles. What an amazing feeling, being a father!
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.