Well, this was an interesting session. I had just gotten out of individual treatment just a little bit before I headed out for CPT group. When I got to group, I was agitated and emotionally raw, the anger oozing out of every pore. It was obvious to everyone in group.
I talked with them all about my anger coming out a lot more since I have begun confronting the PTSD and they all understood. The anger coming back out to the forefront is apparently part of the healing process. Wish I would have known that in advance. So is it any wonder that as my anger becomes less and less easy to control that my anxiety has ratcheted up proportionately? Uh.....No?
The doc explained that phenomenon to all of us in group. When the anger isn't tightly controlled, we become unsure of what is going to happen next - but whatever is going to happen next, it won't be good...
What also came out is that anger manifests more strongly as I feel less in control at work. Thus my cycle of quitting jobs every 6 to 8 months. Well, it appears that cycle has taken longer to come to a head with my current employer, but I am there. It's frustrating knowing that the cycle had continued over the past three years. So what is my biggest priority right now?
Breaking the Cycle
I will not walk away from stability and employment, despite how draining my workdays can be. I gotta break the cycle. If I want to ensure stability and safety for my family, I can't give in to the urges to walk away from what distresses me.
Let's see how things go...
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.