So yesterday, I traipsed out to the local outpatient clinic to attend my first scheduled group Cognitive Processing Therapy session. I finally made it through the gauntlet of individual assessments to get into the group. There are only a few slots per group so they want to make sure that the person they are bringing in is dedicated to coming and to learning. Well, I finally made it.
As I entered the room, I noticed that I was the first one there, early as usual. I sat down and pulled out my kindle and started to read over some of my book that I had written the night before. I didn't get very far. I started wondering if this was going to be a waste of my time. I started feeling anxious. I wanted this to be a good thing but was afraid to get my hopes up.
As I sat there thinking about all of this, the doc and the other member arrived. Yeah. One other member. Needless to say, the anxiety ratcheted up another notch. Then I found out that a lot of the regulars were not going to be there because the folks that had been attending regularly were in residential inpatient treatment programs of some nature or another. Needless to say, I started to relax a little.
As introductions were made and I learned some about the other member that was there, I recognized that we were both in the same place, relatively speaking. We were both too smart for our own good. We are both introverts and recognize that we have problems and triggers, but we also recognize that things are never going to get better unless we learn the tools to cope with our triggers.
There was one other interesting commonality. We had both been participants in support groups previously and been particularly disillusioned. We had no patience for people that were going to sit around and cry in their soup. We are both solutions guys. We don't focus on the problems and want desperately to add every tool we can in order to best control our PTSD.
For the first time in a long time, I am hopeful that the treatment I am receiving will make a difference for me and my quality of life. As I learn things, I will share them moving forward. Have a great day all!
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.