Feeling a Little Better Today But Memorial Day is Inbound

5/22/2012

Well, it looks like the worst of the catastrophic thinking from yesterday is behind me. A special shout out to Rod Deaton for letting me vent to him. There is nothing that I can do about the evaluation now except wait and see what happens. I have to keep on reminding myself that I have an amazing support network. Others aren't so lucky. Regardless of how stressed I may be, others have it much worse.

That being said, Memorial Day Weekend looms. I know it's going to be challenging this year. I am thankful that I came home in one piece but I know that the guilt will be there. Guilt that I made it home an others didn't. Guilt that I am thankful for being alive and that it wasn't MY mother that had someone knock on her door. This is a celebration of summer for so many and they grill food and drink and celebrate. How many remember the purpose of this weekend? How many honor the fallen, go to parades, even put out the flag? I would wager my readers do. If my apartment complex would allow it, I would. This coming weekend is a time for reflection. Maybe this year the guilt will let me remember and honor those that have fallen. I guess we will see.

I meet with a member of the Lehigh Valley Military Affairs Council this morning. I am going to talk with him about what I can do to assist with advocacy locally. Wish me luck.

Marty Parrill link

5/22/2012 07:22:57 am

Guilt and shame are emotions about the past. We who have PTSD fuel our trauma when we leave this present moment.

So entertaining thoughts of guilt takes us back to the war for you. You will heal when you can stay present and not engage guilty thoughts.

PTSD fuels when we dissociate, that is we start thinking and leave being here and now. We actually get into loops where we handle these fears and guilt exclusively for a period of time.

This feeds trauma and adds more and more cortisol into our nervous system.

The more we can stay present the better we will feel. Trauma can grow to be a monster if we dwell with it. it can consume you and many harm themselves or take their life with this behavior.

Know that when this guilt arrives that you can work to let it flow on through you. Try letting the story the cognitive part go following your breath. Then feel the body sensations. Know your inner world. Know where your anger and fear manifest in the body. Could be the solar plus or stomach or many women have the neck and jaw area as the area.

Feel the body sensation and follow the breath. healing will start to happen if you can stay here in the present and observe when the guilt comes visiting. it takes work but a daily practice of developing focus can improve the heal you.

Thank you for your service and sacrifice. You protecting us has landed your mind in this disorder but it is a disorder not a life sentence.

You can be better than before, really. I am only a layperson but I came out of this dark place and now support others. Soldiers have the perfect skill set for daily action. it takes action, mental mostly everyday. You guys follow orders, are highly motivated and you take action.

direction is all that is needed good luck.

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