I really don't ever want to have to go through that again. The doc called me in and we sat down and talked about how much I've messed up my life and how little control I actually have over my life. It was a wonderful feeling. So now I have to sit and wonder if I am even going to keep the disability compensation I have. It could be two to eight months before I hear anything. Two to eight months before I have any hope of hearing anything about my case. So now I have to go about making myself a royal pain in the ass.
So now I have some major thinking and decision-making ahead of me. Where do I go from here? What do I do about work? How do I balance work with personal life? I am already stressing out and it's only been a few hours.
No. NO! I will not go down this road. I will not let the PTSD take over. I don't know what to do yet, but I will figure it out. I will talk with my wife and my family. I need to discuss work, disability, life at home, everything. I am supposed to start Cognitive Processing Therapy in early June. Now, more than ever, I need to know that I can take this bull by the horns and learn to live with it. I refuse to put my wife through the wringer again.
So here's to tomorrow. I put myself through that mess today because I am stubbornly holding out hope that things will work out in the long run. One thing I know for certain: I will continue to blog, no matter what transpires. I need this to help keep my head clear. Last time when things got worse, I stopped. Never again. Tomorrow's a new day for us all. Let's see what it brings, shall we?
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.