I haven't had time to write a blog entry for almost two weeks. Now, regardless of anything else I have going on, I'm taking the time to write it now. My head feels fuzzy. My thoughts and feelings haven't felt this jumbled in a long time. It has led to feelings of dissatisfaction and disappointment.
Dissatisfaction with the progress I am making as a husband and father, dissatisfaction with the rate of progress I am making with the non-profit.
Disappointed with myself and my inability to successfully get myself back into shape and to better care for my physical health.
Never having enough time for all of the things I want to accomplish and getting frustrated when things don't play out the way I want them to. It seemed like everything was taking precedence over writing my blog posts. Considering how central to my ability to cope blogging has become, that was stressing me out big time. The longer I went without getting the thoughts out of my head and into my blog, the less I was able to effectively accomplish.
So, what to do? I work full-time to make the money my family needs to get by and then spending another 30-40 hours every week plugging away on the tasks that need to get done to convert my plans for my non-profit into actionable programs. Between those to things, it take all of my energy to ensure that I am not withdrawing from my family. I'm loving and caring for my wife and child. I don't want to be missing from their lives ever again.
By the time I attend to all of these things, the day's over and I am exhausted. I don't have time for anything else - and making blog posts were continually set on the back burner. I knew, with the formation of the non-profit that I would be overworked in the short-term. The problem is that it has become a long-term problem and one that I NEED to ensure the success of.
Then it hit me: maybe if I blog about this and continue to blog on a regular basis, I will be able to be concentrate on the current task. Maybe if I keep up my blogging, I will be more efficient because my head won't be cluttered with jumbled thoughts and ideas.
I need to figure this out and quick. I need to do everything in my power to get this all sorted out. It seems counter-intuitive, but I strongly believe that making the time to blog and keep my head clear will result in more efficient use of my time otherwise. Guess it's time to see.
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.