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What a long week. I keep on trying to find the time to write this post and others, but life intervenes. What is frustrating is that I always feel better after I get out my thoughts in this blog, yet right now there doesn't seem to be enough time in the day. *sigh*
Anyways, this past CPT session was pretty stressful. One of the guys brought the kid of a friend to group. The kid was in his early to mid 20's (wow - I just called someone in their 20's a kid. Must be getting older...). He was shot in the shoulder over in Iraq by a sniper. He was ghost white from the pain and the pain meds. His PTSD was deep and very severe. And it felt like I was looking at a shadow of myself before I got help, when I first got home from overseas. His life was in shambles and he was pushing everyone in his life that cared about him away but you could tell he was desperate for the loving touch of the ones who loved him. He was a ball of jitters, anger, depression, catastrophic thinking, paranoia and guilt. It was hard to look at, hard to watch. I wanted to reach out to him and let him know that he was going to be OK. The state he was in, he wouldn't have believed a word I said, even if I said the sky was blue. He had insomnia, partially from the pain of his injury and partially from his wounded soul. I didn't have the physical injury, but the rest...well, I don't like to think about the shriveled husk of a man that I was before I got help for my PTSD. Here's the good part, the part that gives me hope: Every guy in group, no matter how bad their situation was, reached out to that young man with compassion and knowing love and support. We all told him he had a place with us if he needed it. The common bond of traumatic experience brought us all closer in that one moment. I think is was a benchmark moment for all of us in group. I don't know why, but something about that moment changed the dynamic in group and changed it for the better. A lot more happened in group in addition to this. It was an eventful session. But that is a tale for another post. Off to hug my daughter now.
Jackson
9/21/2012 05:22:00 pm
I have not been able to keep up with reading your posts, even though they give me a lot of encouragement. I often think I should go back to blogging about it just as a way to get things out. I kind of have a fear though of being "found out" or something, because like you said I didn't get a physical injury so I am afraid that people will stigmatize me, not believe me, judge me or whatever else. I think maybe they will think I am broken because I didn't have a physical injury so therefore shouldn't have PTSD. Maybe that is my survivor guilt talking, who knows. I know it is hard to read stories like that and then feel like what I go through is valid. Anyway I am glad you keep writing, even if I don't get to read it right away to see it in my email is like knowing someone else gets it.
Max Harris
9/22/2012 09:46:52 am
Thank you for writing. I am heartened to hear that you find my writing useful to you. I am sorry to hear that you are not blogging. You can always email me if you want to talk about subjects anonymously. At the very least, write for yourself. As to what other people think about you, if they don't understand PTSD, educate them if they are open enough to listen. It is not something to be ashamed of. Comments are closed.
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Max HarrisAs I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog. Archives
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Note: This website offers links to resources and venues for veterans to discuss PTSD. Any opinions expressed herein are solely the opinions of the website administration and are not a substitute or supplement for professional treatment.