I had an interesting day on Wednesday. When I was getting ready to go to CPT my daughter jokingly closed the door to the bathroom. The lights were off and the central air was on. In that moment, I was in a state of perfect relaxation. It felt amazing.
After this amazingly relaxing episode of cool, dark, quiet, I headed out to the local VAOPC for group. This session was a little different. Doc said every now and then it was good to pause and see what kinds of issues or questions bubble to the surface. So I asked why I felt so at peace in the cool, dark, and quiet. Doc had a really interesting observation: I wasn't unsure of what was going to happen next. I also wasn't sure that whatever happened next was going to bad. Hence, the absence of anxiety.
So this begs the question - how do I recreate this feeling of blissful emptiness in daily life? How do I use this to alleviate or reduce daily anxiety? This got a chuckle from the other guys in the room. I even got a smile and a joking roll of the eyes.
The doctor came back to the topic of acceptance but in a little bit different context than last time. It was two parts:
I accept that what happened in the past can't be changed and that worrying about the past doesn't help me change the present or the future.
I accept that others will never understand what I have experienced.
Hmm. Time to think on those too. It may seems simple on the surface but many times the simplest ideas are the hardest to accept. Don't ask me why, I haven't the foggiest. I will follow up in later posts this week once I have had more time to absorb this information. I can say this for sure: CPT is making a difference for me.
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.