Catastrophic Thinking At It Again

Yesterday I found out that the place that they had the largest burn pit in Iraq, LSA Anaconda, was also known at Balad Air Field when I was there.  No one I was attached to ever called it LSA Anaconda.  I think that may have been a convention that came later.  Why does this matter?  I was there for the last three weeks before I left Iraq.  This really freaked me out yesterday.  For those who may not know, I was hospitalized for pulmonary issues about a month ago.  My issues:  reactive airway disease, early stage COPD, suspected Obstructive Sleep Apnea.  Diseases attributed to burn pits:  hypersensitivity pneumonitis (very similar to reactive airway disease), COPD, and Obstructive Sleep Apnea...
I went into instant freak out mode.  I looked at the list of cancers attributable to burn pit exposure and it instantly crossed my mind:  What if I have one of those?  I need to go to the doctor.  I'm dying!!

I snapped myself out of the last sentiment, but I still can't shake this overwhelming feeling of dread.  What if?  What if?  What if?  Gah!  Get out of my head!  I was up until almost 0400, unable to close my eyes because I couldn't get my mind to shut this line of thought down.

I have that webinar focus group today.  I hope I can get this anxiety under control.  I feel like I am going to crawl out of my skin.  It is so frustrating - every time I feel like I am making headway and getting the PTSD under control, something comes along and messes with me.  See what I mean?  Catastrophic thinking at it again.  At least I recognize it for what it is.  That, at least, is a step in the right direction.