Being Happy Made Me Feel Guilty: Seriously?!

As you may be aware, things have been going really well for me in recent months - new job, balanced work/personal lives, personal fulfillment, and more.  I went into Memorial Day weekend and I was as happy as I can remember being in years.

Imagine my surprise when I woke up on Sunday that weekend and I felt like weeping.  I weight of my sadness and my guilt for feeling happy was oppressive.  It was unbearable.  I had resolved, before the weekend started, to honor the memories of those that gave their lives in service by spending quality time with my family.

How I felt on Sunday was a kick in the nuts.  I couldn't even enjoy the company of my wife and my daughter I was so morose.  The following few weeks have been hard.  Despite the fact that my duties at work have been incredibly fulfilling, I have not been motivated to do much of anything else and have had a lot of trouble sleeping.

Talk about feeling exceedingly frustrated.  Even when things were going right, what happened over in Iraq stole some of that happiness from me.  Unbelievable.  I've thought a lot about this over the past few days, trying to figure out why the guilt is persisting.  It wasn't until earlier today that I finally made a breakthrough.

After recovering from the burnout that was working in retail, I had taken a break from blogging and from advancing the cause of my non-profit.  What I discovered was disconcerting - I was fearful of burning myself out again and had been unintentionally shying away from responding to emails, communicating with my board of directors, and even from blogging.

I should have known better.  Working to help veterans had become a central tenant of my ability to cope with my PTSD.  I also now know that my new job will not overwork me or keep me from being able to administer my non-profit.  So here goes.  I am going to start blogging again at least twice per week and am going to start moving the non-profit forward again, despite the government tax-exempt status backlog.

So here's to another fresh start.  I hope I can finally find the right balance and stay true to myself.

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