I hate how I look when I see myself in the mirror. I want to lose weight, get back in shape, live a healthier lifestyle. I have wanted these things for a long time. I have accomplished none of these things. For a long time now, living healthy and motivation have been mutually exclusive concepts despite my best efforts to the contrary.
I so badly want to feel motivated to do this and intellectually and emotionally I AM. Every time I try to set something up, I sabotage myself. It's getting really old. My wife deserves a husband who enjoys the active lifestyle we both once cherished. So I am reaching out to all of you for advice, suggestions, anything. Maybe we can all learn something from this and grow together in learning to cope with PTSD.
Is there anyone out there that is interested in getting back into shape and living a healthier lifestyle? Maybe we can do it together. Maybe, just maybe, we can be the motivation for each other that we lack for ourselves.
I wanted to thank all of you for reading my blog. You have no idea how much it means to me to be able to reach out to you all and be heard. For almost two years now, I have been blogging about my struggles and getting these troubled thoughts out of my head. I truly hope that this endeavor has been as helpful for all of you as it has been for me. Let's keep on spreading the word and educating the masses on the struggles we all face every day, veterans and loved ones.
Last Wednesday, I was supposed to go to CPT group. I ended up stuck in the house with serious anxiety issues that made me marginally functional at best. Out of the blue, I felt anxious about everything and nothing all at the same time. The feeling was so intense that my adrenalin kicked in so violently I felt sick. I don't know why it happened, but I am starting to see a pattern in my behavior that worries me a lot. Before Iraq, I was in great physical health. Now, I have borderline high cholesterol, respiratory issues, severe allergies. It is like my body is attacking itself. The only common element I see that has been constant across all of these health issues has been my severe anxiety and the burst of adrenalin that goes with it. It can't be coincidental. I firmly believe that prolonged periods of anxiety and adrenalin induced hyper-vigilance is deleterious to your health. I am curious is any other veterans or caregivers of veterans have thought about this connection. I hope to hear from you all on this subject. I find it hard to believe that I am the only one who suffers these symptoms.
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.