A buddy that I served with in Iraq and I talked about PTSD and how ours was caused by the jobs that we did. I need to think how to word this, so I will post more later, but it was a really good talk.
Ok, so my wife and I realized that I needed constant visual reminders that I hadn't done my chores yet...so we went and got two dry-erase boards...one is on the fridge and the other one is at the bottom of the stairs leading to my man-cave. We put my jobs on them. Lo and behold, I didn't forget anything!!! Dani was finally stress free today and I felt less guilty because I actually pulled my weight...
I have come to the realization lately that my emotions have been all over the place. I haven't had this much unpredictability since I went back on meds. I think it's because of the birth of my daughter. There is so much more emotion in a normal day and a lot more responsibility. I love it, but I think it is adversely affecting my emotional stability because of how strong the feelings have been. Obviously, I would never trade my daughter for anything, so I think it's time to talk to my doc about upping the daily dosage of my mood stabilizer. I guess we'll see.
I am actually looking forward to the challenge this time around. I need to ask my manager if it's OK to chew gum if it helps with the cravings. I know that the uniform policy says gum is a no no, but what can it hurt to ask?
Well, I found out today that my daughter, Caley, is starting to go through separation anxiety when mommy is out of earshot and line of sight. My wife was taking a shower and Caley was crying so hard a stranger might have thought I was hurting her. It destroyed my emotional stability completely. Of course, Caley could sense that I was very upset and she cried even harder. Anyone have any ideas of how to cope with this? It's going to be a long few months if I can't find I way to overcome this. I am emotionally drained after just a few days of this.
I stayed up really late. I think it's because I couldn't shut my brain down after work. I want to make sure that all of my ducks are in a row going into this job posting process I have just entered. It will be interesting to see where things go, but I really hope it doesn't interfere with my sleep again. I kept on thinking about all of the things that could go wrong and obsessing about how I could fix any problems.
I have been making some big changes to the website. I wasn't satisfied with the way the site reached out to its intended audience. Let me know what you think of the (as of yet unfinished) new layout. I would appreciate feedback from anyone willing to offer it.
I had one of those really good days today where I almost felt normal...It was amazing. One of my buddies asked me to be a part of a new project that he is working on that will hopefully send a message of hope to those who need to hear it. I am honored that he asked me and look forward to working with him to make his vision a reality.
After all of the craziness that was the holidays and my baby girl being born, I needed to get back into the fold. I missed two appointments. I completely forgot about them because my entire world revolved around my daughter and the holidays at Wegmans. I'm glad that I didn't 'forget' to make up for those appointments. I have been doing so well. The last thing I want is to regress.
It's hard to maintain objectivity when I am writing about this. I hope the message that I am conveying is one of hope. I look for reasons to stay positive every day. Most days I can and some days I can't. I promise I will be honest about how I am feeling, even on the bad days. I may be successfully coping today, but painting a permanently rosy picture isn't in my agenda. My goal is for people to see and understand the effects that PTSD can have on a person.
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.