I'm going to starve. That's the first thing that went through my head this morning as I looked around the kitchen and realized we had practically nothing that I was allowed to eat. I'm on overload. The sensory overload. The allergies, the sleep apnea, the asthma, the massive amounts of daily medications, possible surgery to fix my deviated septum, having to change my eating habits. It's too much to process all at once. Too much change all at once.
I have to go get HEPA air filters today as well. I just feel like everything is closing in on me. I am allergic to everything outside right now. So much so that I have to turn my home into an 'allergy safe house'. Where do I go from here? I know that all of this stuff is supposed to improve my health and my physical quality of life, but what about my psychological quality of life?
Needless to say, I am in super hyper-vigilance mode. I can't get the jitters to stop. The medication isn't helping. I just got up and I am already tired from keeping the catastrophic thinking under control...
Deep Breaths, Max. Deep Breaths. Do what you do best. Learn about all of the changes that you are going to have to make. Your allergist's brother is in the service. You know she's going out of her way to make sure you get all of the treatment you need. Just take it slow. One hour at a time. One minute at a time if necessary. I can do this.
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.