Another Day and More Frustration

8/7/2012

This is getting ridiculous. I can't seem to break out of the funk I am in. Maybe when I talk to the guys tomorrow in CPT group I will have a breakthrough. I want so badly to be present for my family and I have been more successful today than I have been over the course of the past week, but I shouldn't have to work this hard just to show my love and affection.

Maybe I am putting too much pressure on myself. God knows, that wouldn't be the first time I have done that. Maybe I should try putting this into a little bit different perspective. Last year, my life fell apart after the anniversary. Eight months later, I was out on short-term disability - my physical and psychological health were in shambles. This year, things are starting to return (albeit slowly) to normal already after just a week.

Huh. How about that. Talk about a silver lining.

Dana link

8/7/2012 01:12:33 pm

You can do it and it is still tough. Step outside the anniversary and look at your self and the whole event and remember you are not there. You are here and now. I was sitting eating a bean and cheese burrito and sneaking a Mt. Dew at the taco place right before dinner in Vietnam this very afternoon....clear as this moment and I had to force myself to realize who and where I was and am now. Each of us that has been to war will always have the war to deal with, but the war is just that, the war. A time and a place. We will always remember, every detail, every smell and sound and habit and friend and go over and over every what if...but it won't change. I believe our obligation is to ourselves and each other , our friends who did not come home, to do the very best we can to win the spiritual and psychological battle. We have all made it through the physical or you would not be here. The war in your head will make you sick.
Take your wife on a date and do some thing seperate with the kids and don't worry about the blog for a couple days. Hold hands dont talk, you dont have to be lance romance. Its like starting over. Go for a walk, have an ice cream dont play world of warcraft on the x box and expect her to get your beers.....this is general info but you get the drift....you can do this Max ...its easier writing about than doing it and you do a fine job conveying all the right words and info.
It's little steps and when you look back at where you started you'll say I don't want to go back.

Max Harris link

8/8/2012 04:50:09 am

Dana,
Thanks for the encouragement. I really am looking forward to bouncing my struggles off of the guys in group today. The one thing I need to make sure I continue, though, is the blog. I went on a one week hiatus and the lack of outlet to clear my head only made things worse. Writing out my frustrations the past two days has helped a lot. Thanks for your continued support!

Comments are closed.

Living with PTSD:
Every Day is a New Day