I just received this anonymous comment and asked that I address it in a blog post. He says:
"I am tired. Burntout. detached. I know what needs to happen but I am too tired to make it happen. Just be husband, father, protector, rock. It is so hard now. I have to psych myself up to get involved and interested in the garage or building something and bam. The kids are fighting. Back to mr. dad again. Some how it feels hollow. It takes so much effort to psych myself up and try to get on a roll. I take so much medicine to deal with the shit in my head but cannot even deal with it because of the shit right in front of me. If most guys have trouble being a stable father then where does that leave me? Everything is twice as hard now. I can’t let her know. I have put so much on her already. How unfair and selfish can I be? I will smile because I am supposed to. Laugh because it is expected. Somehow I have become the best actor in the world. The overachiever that went to Iraq is gone and I am here. And I am so damn tired." First off, I have to ask it and then I will follow up with comments in the comment section. If 'So Damn Tired' means you are considering harming yourself. GET HELP: 1-800-273-TALK. OK, I had to say that first. I am going to post this now, just in case and follow up in the comments. Anyone who wants to can jump in for support!!
11 Comments
Lorienne
3/23/2012 12:59:13 pm
Where are you? Is there a faith community nearby. Use it. Even if you don't believe, there are people who can babysit, listen, be the rock for you. I would love to be present for you if you are in California.
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3/23/2012 12:59:39 pm
OK, first for the good news. You are not alone in this. I have struggled mightily with this issue for the past year. I didn't have the energy to devote to being a good husband and father if I was working. I felt so tired all of the time. We'll get into specifics in a second but I wanted you to know that you are not alone. You are more than welcome to become a member of the Facebook Page, while not anonymous, you don't have to type a word. Just come and listen. I will continue, but I need to put my daughter down.
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3/23/2012 01:24:40 pm
To continue: One thing many guys need to get over is the gender roles. Since when do you have to be the rock all the time. I would wager money that your wife would love the opportunity to be your rock. She may not be able to relate to what you have been through or what you have experienced, but she CAN relate to and identify with the emotions you feel. Don't keep her on the outside looking in. Get her involved in your recovery. There are so many different things I could address and so many different issues I see, but I am not a counselor or a doctor. I can only give you advice based on what I have experienced myself and offer a shoulder to lean on. You know where to find me. Let me know what I can do to help you more and I will try.
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TiredVet
3/23/2012 01:46:34 pm
No I am not going to hurt myself. I did use the hotline about two years ago when things were pretty bad and I wasn't working with the VA or on medication.
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3/23/2012 02:04:56 pm
Then stay anonymous! Have you ever considered writing down what you are feeling to get it out and then blogging it? If you need to vent or clear your head, we are here for you. If you want to write it down and get it blogged, I can post it anonymously on your behalf on the guest blogger site. We can give you the moniker So Damned Tired. If you just want to come on and rant every now and then, let me know and we can have a rant fest! clears the head!!
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Kimberly Lancaster
3/23/2012 01:49:21 pm
I think a burden would be lifted if you would let her know. Have someone take care of the kids, an overnight visit with a relative, and take some time together so you can explain. You might even find some new found strength by doing this. Keeping those feeling in will wear you down and burn you out. As a wife I was always more than willing to listen and learn from my soldier so we could come up with ways to help take some of the weight off of him. I knew I had certain things I HAD to do because it was too much for him and that was okay.
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3/23/2012 02:06:45 pm
I agree, Kimberly, but you also need to be careful that you don't give too much of yourself or you can't take care of yourself or your vet. Regardless of who is the rock, everyone needs downtime.
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3/23/2012 03:03:51 pm
I find that I'm always reminding the veterans I work with of the following: just because something feels gone doesn't mean it IS gone. Just because you feel you're failing doesn't mean you are. Feelings are strong, especially when you're an intense. internally-ignited veteran. But feelings are not always the truth. Not by a long shot.
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So Damn Tired
3/23/2012 08:08:52 pm
Thank you for your comments and replies. Sometimes each day seems a struggle. I go to my VA sessions. Take the medication and sometimes I still slide back. I went from being a provider to a dependent.
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3/23/2012 11:06:48 pm
You are most welcome. I look forward to the emails. Everybody needs a release valve. Rest assured, I have mine. I am also struggling through some changes right now and I know it's not easy. Every time we think we have things under control, life throws a curveball and we have to learn how to cope all over again. I want you to know that there will never be any judgement on my part - I just listen. Take care of yourself, So Damn Tired. I hope to hear from you soon.
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Max HarrisAs I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog. Archives
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