All of the developments with my health in the past few days have had a seriously bad unintended side effect. Rage. The docs say the sleep apnea is major contributing factor for why my PTSD was as bad as it was this past year. Wonderful. Great. Peachy. Splendid.
A suppressed immune system from lack of quality sleep causes allergic reactions to be worse. In some cases, severe allergies become life threatening. Wonderful. Great. Peachy. Splendid.
Every relationship, personal and professional has suffered because of all of this crap. Thus, the rage. It's the angriest I have felt in years, and that scares me. I know I won't act on it, but it feels like someone lit a fire in my gut and walked away leaving me with the unenviable duty of putting out the fire by myself. I am snippy and have been since the docs told me about sending me to a sleep study yesterday. No one has been spared, including my wife. Is it fear of the unknown or anger at the injustice of it all. I will keep at it and see what I can figure out, but it doesn't make the feeling any less toxic.
I feel like every time I regain a modicum of control over my life and my emotions, something comes along to sabotage all of the hard work I have put in. It gets really tiresome. When the hell do I get a break? I need a vacation from me...
As I continue my life with PTSD, I will share my challenges and discoveries on this blog.