An Elusive Good Day

Today was one of those elusive good days that I wish I had more of.  I was completely stress free and it felt wonderful.  I have heard a lot of people say that they wish they could figure out what made good days just that - good days.  If we could all figure out this little conundrum, we might just be able to beat the PTSD and go back to leading 'normal' lives.

I realized a long time ago that this kind of thinking, while it may seem constructive, is very counterproductive and usually leads to longer downswings, anger, frustration, and inevitable failure to figure out what triggered the good day.  Think about it for a second and you will understand why:

• You analyze your behavior.  You can't figure out what was different.
• You get frustrated because you don't understand why the good day happened.
• You get angry at yourself because you feel you owe it to the people you love to figure out so that they don't have to suffer through your bad days.
• You put even more pressure on yourself to find a solution.  You fail.
• You feel guilty for failing and this starts the downward spiral.
• Fear that you will never experience another good day leads to more anger.
• This leads to depression because you feel like you are letting people down that are 'depending on you to succeed'.
• You withdraw from your friends and family and find a safe place to duck and cover until the worst is over.
• You slowly (and I do mean SLOWLY) come out the other side.
• You have a good day.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

It doesn't seem so constructive now, does it?  What I realized a few years ago is that graciously accepting that you are having a good day and not trying to duplicate it is the best approach.  The real reason why this whole line of thought can be so destructive is this:  You haven't accepted that you will never 'recover' from your PTSD.  Remember the expression, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth"?  Take it to heart and just revel in the good moments.  Write the memories you create on those days in your mind.  It will make surviving to the next good day easier.

So there you have it.  I hope this gives insight into why the name of this blog is 'Every Day is a New Day'.  Any other way of looking at it doesn't serve my best interests.