Am I Hiding in My Cave Again?

OK, so I am starting to wonder how much of me staying home is me hiding in my cave.  There's a difference between staying home and spending quality time with my daughter and being sedentary.  When a person isn't being active, it doesn't exactly improve his mood.  My wife pointed out to me yesterday that I didn't seem to be doing much activity.  Even when I was playing with our daughter, it was always when I was sitting down or laying on the floor, etc.

She's right.  I'm being sedentary.  Inactivity is making it hard to get active.  So what did I do?  I asked my mom to come over and watch Caley so that I could go do something active - go to the clubhouse and use the gym, go for a walk, run, ride...

Guess what I did:  Nothing.  I couldn't get my tired ass out of bed.  Again.  What is so frustrating about this is I LOVE being active.  I mean I really love it.  I never used to be one of those guys who would sit on his duff all day and essentially do nothing.  So I thought about this while I was feeding Caley and came to a realization.  I am scared witless that I will go into respiratory distress again and end up back in the hospital.  The doctors cleared me, but it made me scared for my life and I haven't felt that way since Iraq.  So here I am, sitting.  Wondering.  Feeling guilty.  Feeling scared.  Feeling like a failure.  How do I fix this.  The thought of going outside to exercise scares me stupid.  When my wife makes me go for a walk or I take my daughter for a walk, I don't last very long.

I refuse to let this beat me.  I am going to talk to my wife about this try to come up with a plan to beat this.  I want to beat this, but I need a drill sergeant to light a fire...