My wife and I have seen our ups and downs as I have learned to rein in my PTSD symptoms and harness my drive to succeed, both personally and professionally. It has not been easy and we recently made some realizations about why our relationship has a tendency to get tense - even when it doesn't need to be.
What Relaxing Means to Me:
Sitting on my duff playing video games, blogging, writing the next installment of my serial novel, watching a movie, snuggling into the corner of the couch with a good book. You'll notice that my idea of relaxing involves taking a load off my feet. I would love to do this with my wife, cuddled up on the couch.
What Relaxing Means to My Wife:
Going outside for a walk, run, bike ride. Going to the mall and walking around with Caley. Going out somewhere and doing something...anything other than sitting on her duff. My wife loves to go for walks in the evening with our daughter and me.
Do you see where the problem is? I like to NOT do anything. My wife likes to DO anything. Sedentary relaxation versus endorphin release from exercise. I don't need to tell you which way is healthier in the long run. What we have been doing is this: My wife takes our daughter for a walk while I sit in my chair and read something, write something or watch something. We relax apart after a day apart working apart.
Not exactly ideal for our intimacy or our relationship. We never made time to spend together because neither one of us was willing to do what the other found relaxing - mostly because I hate going for walks and she hates sitting for long periods of time. So how do we meet in the middle. Do I recognize that always sitting on my duff after or before work isn't healthy and change my routine? Nope. If I did that I would be grumpy all the time. I can't be the only one to make concessions. So where is the happy medium? What do I do to meet my wife half-way?
I am going for a walk tonight with my wife to discuss this. We'll see what happens.